To wed or not to wed?

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jerijerod
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To wed or not to wed?

Post by jerijerod » Wed Jan 07, 2009 10:28 am

I have a massive dilemma on my mind that has torn me quite superbly. I always believed that women were the bane of a man’s existence and now I have been proved right! I'm due to be wed in April this year and am having second, third, fourth and fifth thoughts!

My fiancee, Sam and I have had… not a rocky relationship but we fall into ruts quite easily with the pressures of work and conflicting shifts. A lot of my friends have said that I could have done a lot of better and that I was settling for someone when I should have gone out and fought hard for someone. I never truly believed them until just before Christmas as the countdown to the wedding hit 100 days!

Then things got more complicated. There are four of us that hang out a lot at work, two guys and two girls and unintentionally I’ve developed quite a crush on Caroline (one of the girls) :wink: . Things have been awkward between us for quite a while and Stacey convinced me that I should just tell her and get it all out in the open, I thought if Caroline shot me down I could just clear my head and move on but she didn’t, and I’ve spent the last four days seriously contemplating what to do. I’d like to take the chance and run off with Caroline and see what would happen. But the sensible part of me says that it’s too late and that its only a passing thing and I should fight for Sam rather than do the easy thing and walk away.

In a way Caroline has helped me make my decision; I asked her yesterday how she felt and she said that it was unimportant, I told her it was central to the whole thing but she still declined. I’m really not going to risk my entire way of life on the off chance that she is interested in me and that she is the “Happily ever after.”

Basically I am so torn up as to what to do I thought i'd ask someone who isn't close to the situation for their opinion. I am totally open to any :D :D
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Tom Houlihan
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by Tom Houlihan » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:16 pm

Sounds a bit like a case of the pre-wedding jitters. Caroline seems to be a good friend who perhaps attained a higher position in your thoughts and priorities than she should have, quite possibly due to your previous friendship.

Then again, what do I know? :roll:
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Paulus II
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by Paulus II » Wed Jan 07, 2009 2:31 pm

Haven't we all been there is some shape or form? :D

I agree with Tom in the pre-wedding jitters but would add, never mind Caroline and what she may or may not feel, it's Sam you ought to focus on. Getting nervous as the day of the Great Commitment draws nigh is entirely normal and brings doubts with it. But......do listen to your friends!

But then again, what do I know? :roll:

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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by statemachine » Wed Jan 07, 2009 4:24 pm

In Victorian times,didn't they term that as a mania? :D You have to settle down sometime.Who says Caroline would put up with your history obsession,anyway. :D
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by John W. Howard » Wed Jan 07, 2009 11:58 pm

Welcome to Feldgrau Dating and Marriage Counseling Services!! May I help you??? :wink: There is no crime in having second thoughts; that's why engagement periods are so useful. Some people view an engagement as a cast in stone agreement to wed. It isn't nor should it be. But a marriage is much more complicated; it is hard to get out of, a divorce is very expensive and emotionally trying, and even more so if you ever have children. If you want kids, pick very carefully a wife you think you can stick with for at least 18 years for your children's sake. Divorces are very, very hard on children. Good luck.
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by jerijerod » Thu Jan 08, 2009 2:40 am

Thanks guys. I appreciate the feedback! :D

I think the problem with me and sam was the way we got together, we kind of fell into it, she fancied me and I thought I quite liked her and thought I'd see where it went. We do have a very close relationship and we are really really good friends, she puts up with my sci-fi and history obsessions. (Especially laying in bed of an evening reading some book or other muttering "Oh thats interesting... Hon did you know that the German Me 264.........)

Maybe my feelings for Caroline are just like the Steiner offensive, a last roll of the dice before the inevitable. All i know is we do have stuff in common, including the same birthday but is the grass ever greener, even when your sat in the shade.

Well guess i better get back to work and cease my ramblings. Thanks again guys.

Chris
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by sebastian » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:53 am

get as much girls as you can and never marrie,you will only end up getting divorced,paying of her brand new car,and she will stay in the house you completely rebuild and worked your ass off in it,your best friend will become your ex-wifes new boyfriend and your kids and you will go another way,indoctrinated by the mother they dont want anything to with you and you will become an alcoholic and eventually comit suicide :D

theres a whole bunch of scenarios,but if you are not 100% behind it,dont do it,for a step this big in life you have got to support it 100%,if its less dont even bother doing it.


thats another way of looking at it haha
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Tom Houlihan
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by Tom Houlihan » Thu Jan 08, 2009 3:56 am

Or, just find some girl you don't like, and give her half yer stuff. Saves time. :wink: :beer:
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jerijerod
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by jerijerod » Thu Jan 08, 2009 4:35 am

[quote="Tom Houlihan"]Or, just find some girl you don't like, and give her half yer stuff. Saves time. :wink: :beer:[/quote]

Thats got me in stitches! :D :D :beer:

why did i not think of that sooner lol
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by philippe_jehl » Thu Jan 08, 2009 4:56 am

Well having been married twice now, the second being the total opposite of the 1st wife, I will tell you from my mistake and 12 years of hardship, if you have any doubt do not get married. With my 1st wife I had doubts even the day of the wedding but went through with it because I did not want to make everyone mad at me or disappoint them. Did not want all the money on the wedding wasted etc and tried to convince myself it was normal wedding jitters. After the wedding I quickly realised I should have listend to my instincs and bailled out.
The fact that you are interested in another woman to me says that your bride will not satisfy what you want in a wife , if you do get married to this woman it will not be long for you to seek another and have an affair.
You might want to think about why you are even getting married in the 1st place.

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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by statemachine » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:10 am

After a certain period of time,relationships are not as intense as the first(X)amount of time.That's normal.Men looking at women is also pretty normal.As much as we convince ourselves that we get smarter as we age,regarding women,this might be a falsehood.It sounds like you two are comfortable together.Count your blessings.
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by phylo_roadking » Thu Jan 08, 2009 7:18 am

In Victorian times,didn't they term that as a mania?
Mind you - in Victorian times they ALSO prescribed (literally!) copious amounts of sex as a recipe for depression after a broken heart....! :shock:
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jerijerod
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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by jerijerod » Thu Jan 08, 2009 10:31 am

don't think i could take that as a cure for heart break!!! Think i'd have a heart attack!!! :wink:
"War ist die Royal Air force???"

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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by Hans » Thu Jan 08, 2009 4:01 pm

If you love her & nothing else - run for your life. If you like her and you have things in common go for it - real love develops over time as you face hardships and adversity together.

Good luck.

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Re: To wed or not to wed?

Post by Annelie » Fri Jan 09, 2009 5:20 am

Sounds like to me that your not sure.....if not sure then "DON'T".
At least not now, wait until you are perfectly sure.
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