This is a humorous story from "Heiteres aus dem Brotbeutel Gekrümelt." (1975, Munin Verlag) This is a great book full of anecdtoes and stories from former Waffen-SS soldiers. This little story is on page 50 and is entitled "Clip-Leader."
"The battery is formed up. The first sergeant is looking for a soldier who can cut hair to the exact length of a match stick. One of the recruits, a lad from the Siebenbürgen region, reports to the company headquarters. The first sergeant asks him, "Are you a trained barber, soldier?"
The young soldier replies, "No first sergeant, but I sheared sheep all the time back home.""
This is another humorous story from "Heiteres aus dem Brotbeutel Gekrümelt." It's on page 112 and is entitled "Pork Knuckle."
"On the way to the company, Corporal Deixler drove in his supply truck past the battalion commander. Later that evening, the commander showed up at the company and ordered Deixler, nicknamed "Tall Hans", to report to him.
"So, said the commander, "What's on the menu for dinner tonight?"
Deixler replied, I'll find out right away, sir." He ran over to the mess area and reported back to the Major, "Sir, tonight we're having canned blood sausage."
"Anything else, Deixler?"
"No sir," replied the corporal.
"Think hard about it, Deixler, is that really all there is for dinner?" asked the major.
"I'll go look again, sir," said Deixler.
"Good idea, and look hard this time."
After a good fifteen minutes, Deixler came back and served the battalion commander with a beautiful piece of spicy braised pork.
Cutting into his dinner, the major said, "See Deixler, I knew that there were some extra rations tonight. The next time you drive by me trying to hide a pig in the back of your truck, you should really do a better job at tying the legs together so they don't stick out from under the tarp.""